During a high-profile university forum attended by students, executives, and relationship scholars, Joseph Plazo delivered a compelling message that challenged conventional wisdom about communication, influence, and connection:
The most powerful people don’t give the best answers — they ask the best questions.
Plazo’s talk centered on how asking strategic questions can radically improve personal relationships, professional outcomes, and leadership effectiveness. Far from being a soft skill, he argued, questioning is a hard psychological tool — one that sits at the core of charisma.
“Charisma isn’t about being interesting,” Plazo told the audience. “It’s about making other people feel understood.”
The Hidden Lever of Influence
According to joseph plazo, most people communicate in declarations. They state opinions, offer advice, and defend positions. Charismatic individuals do the opposite — they guide conversations through inquiry.
Questions achieve what statements cannot:
They lower defensiveness
They invite participation
They reveal motivation
They create emotional safety
They shift power subtly
“A question invites.”
By asking the right questions, individuals can move conversations from resistance to cooperation without confrontation.
Charisma Is Curiosity in Action
Plazo reframed charisma not as charm or eloquence, but as applied curiosity.
Highly charismatic people:
Ask questions that go beyond surface facts
Explore emotions, not just events
Show genuine interest rather than performance
Make others feel uniquely seen
“People don’t remember what you said,” Plazo noted.
This insight explains why some individuals build deep rapport effortlessly while others struggle despite impressive credentials.
Moving Beyond Small Talk
Not all questions are equal. Plazo emphasized that asking strategic questions means asking with purpose and direction, not interrogation.
Strategic questions:
Clarify values
Surface hidden click here objections
Reveal priorities
Redirect conflict
Open future-focused thinking
Examples include:
“What matters most to you right now?”
“What would make this feel like a win for you?”
“What are you worried might go wrong?”
“Directionless questions waste time — strategic ones change outcomes.”
Why Conflict Is Often a Question Failure
Plazo applied this framework to personal relationships, where miscommunication is often blamed for conflict.
In reality, many conflicts persist because the wrong questions are being asked — or none at all.
Instead of:
“Why did you do that?”
Strategic questioning asks:
“What need were you trying to meet?”
This subtle shift transforms blame into understanding.
“Most relationship fights aren’t about behavior,” Plazo explained.
By reframing conversations around curiosity, partners move from opposition to collaboration.
Why Executives Ask Differently
In professional settings, asking strategic questions becomes a decisive advantage.
Plazo explained that top negotiators, leaders, and dealmakers rely on questions to:
Diagnose underlying interests
Expose unstated constraints
Build trust quickly
Guide decisions without coercion
Charismatic leaders rarely issue commands. They ask questions that make alignment feel voluntary.
“Authority invited creates loyalty.”
This approach explains why some leaders inspire commitment while others struggle with resistance.
Lowering Threat, Increasing Openness
Plazo briefly touched on neuroscience to explain why questions are so effective.
Statements often activate the brain’s threat response — especially when they challenge beliefs. Questions, by contrast, activate:
Curiosity circuits
Reflective thinking
Problem-solving regions
Dopamine-driven engagement
“They create safety before change.”
This biological response makes questions ideal tools for influence without manipulation.
From Curiosity to Results
Plazo distilled his University of New York talk into a simple, repeatable framework:
Lead with curiosity
Target emotions, not facts
Uncover resistance before it hardens
Shift from past to future
End with ownership questions
This framework, he emphasized, works in friendships, romance, leadership, negotiations, and everyday conversations.
Connection in a Distracted World
As the session concluded, one theme echoed across the auditorium:
In a noisy world, the person who asks the best questions becomes the most powerful voice in the room.
By linking charisma to curiosity and asking strategic questions to outcomes, joseph plazo reframed influence as an act of service rather than domination.
In an era defined by broadcasting opinions, his message was quietly radical:
If you want better relationships and better results — stop talking more, and start asking better questions.